I jammed the paper towel in the trash and reached for another.
He came up behind me. “Mackie—Mackie, look at me.”
When I turned to face him, he was staring down at me. His eyes were blue, which faded and changed in different kinds of light. I wished that mine were any color but flat, unnatural black.
“You don’t have to go around acting like you’re okay all the time.”
“I do have to.” It came out too loud, echoing against the tile walls. I leaned against the counter and closed my eyes. “Please—I need to not talk about it.”
After a second, he moved closer, and then I felt his hand on my shoulder. It was unexpected, but the weight was reassuring, making me feel solid.
When I opened my eyes, Roswell was still standing next to me, but he’d let his hand fall. After a minute, he took out a pack of gum. He popped a square through the back foil with the ball of his thumb, offered it to me, and I took it.
“Come on,” he said, turning for the door. “Let’s go find Drew and Danny.”
The twins were in the lounge by the bar, playing pool with Tate. Roswell went over to them, but I hung back. Tate was standing with her back to me and I needed to seem like nothing had happened between us. Like I had never stonewalled her in the parking lot and then watched her walk away.
If I’d thought she would make a big show of being pissed at me, I was wrong. She glanced at us once, then went back to running the table. She made a straight shot. Not difficult, but she made it look impressive and tricky. Her hair was standing up all over the place like she’d just gotten out of bed. Mostly, she looked calm, not like a person who had just buried her sister and definitely not like a person who sought out the weirdest guy in school in order to discuss the theory that what they’d buried was not her sister at all.
The next shot was fancier, a bank in the corner, and she sank it like a rock. The ball clanged hard in the pocket, but her expression never changed.
“Nice,” Roswell said as we came up to the table.
She jerked her head at Drew and Danny. “Yeah, well, these guys suck.”
Drew just shrugged, but Danny snorted and flicked a crumpled piece of paper at the back of her head. “Get screwed, Stewart.”
I stood slightly behind her and watched as she lined up the next shot. Compared to the others, it was nothing, but she jerked at the last second and the ball went spinning off in a crooked arc. It just kissed the bumper, then sat balanced at the edge of the pocket.
