‘The stupid, cowardly, selfish, fucking… bastard.’
She sobbed unreservedly now, deep and long. Helen let her cry. Finally her sobs started to subside.
‘To your knowledge had Chris ever used prostitutes before?
‘No! Do you think I’d put up with that? What do you think I am – a fucking doormat?’
Jessica’s eyes were burning fiercely.
‘Of course not. I know you wouldn’t sanction something like that, but sometimes wives have suspicions, fears, things they’ve locked away deep. Did you ever have any worries about Chris? Anything that upset you?’
Jessica dropped her gaze now, unable to look at Helen. She had struck a nerve, Helen was sure of that, and she had no choice but to pursue it.
‘Jessica, if you’ve anything to tell -’
‘I didn’t think it would…’
Jessica was struggling to find sufficient breath to speak, the shock now taking full effect. Helen gestured to Alison for a glass of water.
‘He’d… he had… He’d promised me.’
‘Promised you what, Jessica?’
‘Since Sally was born, we haven’t… you know… very much.’
Helen said nothing. She knew something was coming now and that it was best to let Jessica find her own words.
‘We’re always so tired,’ she continued, ‘there are always so many things that need doing.’
She took a big lungful of air before continuing:
‘A few months ago, I used Chris’s laptop because mine was broken.’
Another deep breath.
‘I opened up Internet Explorer to use Ocado and… I found all these sites bookmarked. The stupid bastard hadn’t even tried to hide them.’
‘Pornography?’ Helen asked. Jessica nodded.
‘I opened one up. I wanted to know. It was… disgusting. A young girl – seventeen at the most – and lots of guys… they were bloody queuing up to…’
‘Did you challenge him about it?’
‘Yes. I rang him at work. He came straight home.’
Her tone softened a little as she continued:
‘He was mortified. Ashamed. He hated himself for hurting me. I hated him for looking at that… stuff, but he vowed he’d never watch it again. And he meant it. He really meant it.’
She looked up imploringly, silently begging Helen not to damn her husband.
‘I’m sure he did. I’m sure he was a good husband, a good father…’
‘He is. He was. He loved Sally, he loved me…’
At this point Jessica collapsed, the weight of events finally bearing down on her. She had been robbed of her husband and her memory of him would be forever tarnished. His reckless actions had cost him dear, but those left behind had the bitterest legacy. They were staring down a long dark tunnel.
