Gill remembered her first meeting with Janet. Janet was in shock. Full-blown shock. The sort that sent the body into physiological protection mode. Gill only had to look at Janet to see: face white as flour, lips tinged blue, the body channelling all available resources to preserve the most basic functions – the beating heart, the blood flow to the brain, the central nervous system. Janet’s pupils were dark as pitch, so that there was only a ring of bright blue iris visible. Her skin, when Gill touched her hand, was clammy, fingers waxen.
When Gill had arrived she was still trying to revive the baby. Kneeling on the floor, the baby on the bed, blowing soft breaths into his mouth and nose. Massaging his chest with the tips of her fingers. Standard first aid.
The doctor was there and a paramedic, but it was finally Gill whose words seemed to reach her. ‘The doctor needs to check Joshua now, Janet, see if anything can be done.’ They all knew it was too late; Janet herself probably did, but Gill saw that so long as she acted as if salvation was possible she did not have to admit the terrible, terrible truth.
Janet had paused in her efforts, turned her stark face, bottomless eyes, to Gill and given the fraction of a nod.
The doctor had calmly assessed the baby, ensuring there was no blockage in the airways, listening for the heartbeat, checking the pulse, conferred quietly with the paramedic for a moment, who then left the room.
‘I am so sorry, Janet, Adrian,’ the doctor said. Ade stood against the wall, his face a mask of pain. He didn’t need telling. ‘But Joshua is dead.’
Janet had closed her eyes, rocked back on her heels.
‘We’ll give you a little time together,’ Gill said.
Janet had climbed up on to the bed and scooped the infant up, one hand behind the boy’s head, the other under his bottom. His limbs were floppy, offering no resistance as she moulded him to herself.
Gill had insisted on medical help, understanding immediately that the needs of the police inquiry were secondary to the safety and the well-being of the young couple.
Gill had not had any children herself back then. It was another four years before Sammy had been born. But she understood Janet’s visceral grief. She’d had no idea Janet was a fellow officer when they first met, Gill responding to the report of a sudden unexplained death, twelve-month-old boy. The death was judged to be due to SIDS. A catch-all for deaths of infants where there was no discernible cause.
