I’ll get wet.
Where will you sleep? How long will you be? Three weeks, that’s all.
What if you get lost? This is probably the heart of the matter, or a close second to
How can you abandon me?So by the time we get to the airport, I’m actually looking forward to five minutes’ peace. In comparison, Finn is a piece of cake. Initially sad, but once I’d promised I’d be back in a little while, we’d all have a holiday and go on an aeroplane (all the while ignoring the look of astonished outrage on Nick’s face that I hadn’t cleared it with him first), he was mollified.
But, of course, as we reach the drop-off zone my stomach churns with apprehension and I feel a visceral urge to stay close to the boys, not to walk away, not to leave them. What was I thinking of? I can’t go. Tom could manage on his own, couldn’t he?
Squashing my panic, I’m brisk and cheery and we all hug and I tell them in turn, ‘I love you and I’ll see you very soon.’
Nick says, ‘We could park up,’ and I say, ‘No, you go. I’ll be fine. I’ll let you know when we land, yes. You both be good for Daddy,’ I add. Isaac’s eyes are watering. I pretend not to notice. A meltdown now would be horrendous. ‘In you get, go on. Bye-bye.’
They climb back into the car and I wait on the pavement with my suitcase. The boys crane their heads round and wave with both hands as Nick toots the horn, parp parp parp-parp parp, and drives away.
I make my way to the check-in desks. There is no sign of Tom but I didn’t expect him to be on time and promised myself I would not get wound up about it. What is irritating is that there is no place to sit while I wait. So I wander up and down dragging my case for the next twenty minutes, weaving in and out of travellers, until he appears.
He has a short-sleeved linen shirt on, a yellow colour that might not suit everyone but with Tom’s sallow complexion it’s perfect, and olive green cargos. Doc Martens too, brown boots. Like father like daughter.
The airport is stifling and I’m too hot with my long-sleeved cotton sweater and jeans. Maybe the plane will be cooler.
We check in our bags. I remember Lori’s being overweight but both ours are within the limit. We go through to security. The long queue snakes left and right up to the scanners but it moves quickly enough. We don’t make small talk as we shuffle up to the front. I am filmed in sweat. We remove belts and watches, jackets. Place laptops and phones on the tray.
