I grunted and made another attack on the peanuts. Shit. Salted nuts cascaded around the table and floor. I salvaged what I could.
‘Anyway,’ I sighed, ‘there’s that, and the phone isn’t exactly hot with clients, plus the children were driving me…’
‘Don’t talk to me about children,’ Diane groaned.
I bit my tongue. Our relationship has weathered the difficulties of me having a child and she choosing not to, but it hasn’t always been easy. There’ve been times when motherhood has dominated my thoughts and feelings. When I’ve needed to talk about all the contradictions. But not with Diane. She’s happy with an occasional update. She has a rough idea of how hard it can be and she’s glad she’s not a mother.
‘It’s Ben,’ she explained. ‘We had a talk.’
Ben and Diane had been going out for over a year. Their relationship had started off casually through a lonely hearts column and had gained in intensity. At New Year, Ben had suggested that they live together. Diane had declined. Since then things had been just as intense but edged with the unspoken agenda of commitment.
‘He wants children?’
‘He’s always denied it before,’ she began, ‘or at least said he wasn’t bothered either way. But, well, his sister’s just produced one and he’s all gooey-eyed about it. Wants to drag me along to the christening.’
‘You don’t want to go?’
‘It’s in Budleigh-Salterton, for Christ’s sake. Can you imagine it? Hours getting there and back. Church, family. I spent years getting away from all that. Why can’t he just leave things as they are?’
‘Maybe he wants to know where it’s going.’
‘Why do we have to be going anywhere? It’s a relationship, not a bloody day trip.’
‘Things get stale, Diane, if there’s no change on the horizon, no events looming.’
‘It’s been fine up till now.’
I raised my eyebrows.
‘Oh, I know he was disappointed about not living together,’ she retorted, ‘but I thought he understood my reasons. Now he seems to be getting all broody. Not that he’ll admit it.’
We carried on in this vein through another couple of rounds, till chucking out time.
I was tucked up and dreaming before midnight.
The bell kept ringing for last orders. Someone was shouting my name. I couldn’t work out who. The pub was deserted. I opened my eyes and Ray appeared round the edge of my door.
‘Sal, phone.’
‘What time is it?’
‘Middle of the bloody night.’
Blinking in the light of the hall, I picked up the receiver.
‘Hello?’
‘That lad you’re looking for. I found someone who met him.’
