“Mummy,” Maddie shouted, “can I have a drink or what!” She’d been repeating it and I was miles away – worrying.
I tried to explain myself to Diane when we met up for a drink the following evening. “I’m uncomfortable with them. Even with Ray, he’s changed. I’m not jealous, you know I’ve never really fancied Ray. It’s more a feeling of being pushed out. Perhaps it’s envy? And then I keep thinking how awful it’ll be if they move out.”
“Why?”
“It’s worked so well, especially looking after the children. Tom and Maddie are close, we’re all close. I’d miss Tom dreadfully. We’re like a family, it’s like a divorce waiting to happen.”
“Have you asked Ray?”
“Asked him what?”
“If they’re making plans?”
“You sound just like his mother,” I scoffed.
“Well, have you?” she persisted.
“Diane, I can hardly talk to him about anything at the moment, he’s gone all vague and absent-minded.”
“It must be lurve,” she joked and rolled her eyes.
“It’s irritating whatever it is.”
“You should ask him. Tell him what your worries are. All you need to say is that you’d like him to let you know if he’s considering any big changes. After all it does affect you and Maddie, like you say.” She rattled the ice cubes in her glass.
“Yes.” Reluctant. Why? Because I didn’t want Ray to see how vulnerable I could be? Because I didn’t want to make a fool of myself? Because he might confirm my fears?
“Is Laura around a lot?”
“Yeah, more than before or he goes to her flat. She’s nice – well, she’s alright, I’ve nothing against the woman.”
Diane chortled.
“What?”
“You should hear yourself. Talk about back-handed compliments.”
“Well, it’s not her, she’s not the problem. It’s the situation. Whoever Ray was seeing it would feel the same, if it was this intense. I can get on with her OK…”
Diane gave me a look.
“I can! OK we’re not big buddies but I never see her without Ray so there’s no chance to get to know her properly.” I drained my glass. I wanted another.
“Do that then, arrange to see just her.”
“Oh, I couldn’t do that. She’d think I was weird. And Ray would hate it.”
“Why’s it so weird?”
“Well, it’s their relationship, Laura’s there to be with Ray not get to know the housemates.”
“But if she’s thinking of moving in…”
“OK. Yes, if she was moving in I’d want to get to know her, not just as Ray’s girlfriend – but she may not be.” I finished lamely.
“So, talk to him. I’ve been here before. Deja vu.”
“Get us a drink.”
She was looking all exasperated.
